Tore
by aMelodyExists
Summary: Justin leaves Pitts. leaving worry and heartache behind. Now he is back and with a new life, he now wants the love he left behind over two years ago. Brian/Justin Mpreg
1. Chapter 1

It's been almost two years since I've been to Pittsburgh. Lia would be eight months in a few days. I held her on the plane the whole way. She never once cried, which surprised me, she slept the whole way. I got many looks and people, mostly women, come up to me and say how cute she was, ask how old she was, and if I was her father. I would thank them, say eighth months and say yes. Then they would tell me how young I was, and I could only smile. I brush soft dark brown hair behind her small ear, and let my finger linger there. She looked so much like him. I sigh and press her a little closer to my chest.

I got off the plane last. I didn't want to wake Lia by fumbling around to get off first. My mother would be waiting for me. I called her when the plane landed, and told her to meet me at baggage claim. When there was only a few people left on the plane I stood and took down my carry on bag. It was small only containing things for Lia. I put it around my neck and let it hang off my left shoulder. I adjusted Lia in my arms to make her more comfortable then walked off the plane and into the Pitts.

When I got to Baggage claim Lia had woken up. She cried and I smiled. I found an empty chair and sat down. I opened the carry on bag and got her pacifier. I knew she was hungry, but I wanted to get my luggage before I sat down to feed her. She took the pacifier and began sucking. I smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead.

I got up and went to find my bags. I saw the stroller first. I grabbed it with one hand and pulled it off the rotating platform. I opened it and arranged it for Lia. Once settled with how it looked I gently placed her inside. I took off the small bag and placed it in the compartment on the back of the stroller. I quickly spotted my duffel bag and rolled over to it. I slung it over my shoulder and rolled away from the rotating station.

I found a seat and took it. I reached into the compartment of the stroller and took out a prepared bottle. I shook it the placed it next to him. Then I stood and reached down into the stroller and took out Lia. She was still sucking the pacifier. I sat down and took it out of her mouth. She began to cry, I quickly moved the bottle to me lips. She immediately took hold and drink. I smiled as she happily ate. My stomach rumbled. I ignored it. Lia always came before me. I couldn't buy much with the money i was making or with the money my mom would send. It was enough to buy food for Lia and cloths. I couldn't work while I was pregnant, so I lived off selling my art and money mom sent. The art didn't get much. But I managed. Once Lia was born I began to draw her. I sold a few of those for good money. But there was one I kept. The first one I drew of her. I kept it just in case he wanted to see it.

"Justin!"

I look up at the sound of my name. It was my mother. She ran over to me. I quickly put Lia back in the stroller, and replaced the bottle with he pacifier. My mom reached me and wrapped me in a hug which I returned. She pulled back and took my face in her hands.

"Oh baby, it's so good to see you," she said giving me a kiss. "I've missed you too much!" She almost shouts.

"I've missed you to mom," I say giving her a kiss. I see her glance at the stroller and I smile. I turn around and take baby Lia out.

"Meet your grand daughter, Lia," I say placing the tiny baby in my mothers arms.

"Oh, Justin," she whispers. "She's beautiful," Lia yawns and I see my mothers heart melt. The baby opens her eyes and blinks at the older women, then cries. Jennifer smiles and rocks the infant trying to clam her down. The baby gurgles and stops crying.

"She has your eyes," Jennifer says gazing at the little girl. I just nod. She does, but that's all we have in common, she looks just like her father.

My mother put Lia back in the stroller and leads me out of the airport.

I don't have a car seat, so I hold Lia as we drive home. Mom tells me about Molly and that she started dating and that she disapproves of all the suitors.

"Well you weren't to fond of Brian," I say smugly. She gives me a look, then turns he attrition back to the road.

"I know, I know, but she's my baby. I don't want to let her go," Jennifer whines. I laugh. I want to ask so many questions but I'm nervous, so I go with the broad questions.

"So," I start. "How is every one?" I ask looking out the window. I feel her eyes on me.

"Fine, every ones fine," she answers just as broadly.

"Good," I say flatly. "That's really good."

...

Molly was ecstatic to see her nice. She couldn't stop saying how cute she was or how she wanted to eat her up. I just shook my head, and laughed. I put my head in my hand and watched the two interact, I felt my eyes start to droop. My mom must have seen this because she told me to go upstairs and sleep.

"But..." I tried to start but she interrupted me.

"No buts. Go sleep, me and Molly will take care of her," she said rubbing the back of her hand on my cheek. I gave her a worried look. "What I raised the two of you didn't I?" she scoffed. I stand up kiss her, kiss Lia, and loudly kiss Molly who moves away from the kiss, and whines. I smile and make my way to my old room.

It hadn't changed. I didn't expect it to. I lay in the childhood bed and fall asleep.

...

When I woke it was dark. I was confused for a moment. Then configured everything in my mind. 'How long was I asleep for?' I thought to myself. 'Where was Lia?' I step out of bed then recall my mother taking care of her. I sigh then make my way down the stairs and into the kitchen where I here voices.

From the door I can see my mother, Molly and the stroller with Lia in it. I knock on the wall to announce my presence. Jennifer turns around and smiles.

"You're up."

"It would seem so," I say through a yawn. Her smile lessens and I know we are about to have a talk.

"Justin, how long do you plan to stay?" she asks leaning against the counter.

"I don't know," I answer honestly. She bites her lip.

"Why did you come back?" she asks. "From your letters you sounded happy. What made you leave?"

I don't say anything. I know she knows why I came back. I walk past her and kneel next to Molly and the stroller. I stroke Lia's face with one finger.

"Molly why don't you go to bed?" it was more of a demand then a question. But Molly didn't say anything, which I was grateful for. When she's gone I take her seat.

"Justin..." my mother starts.

"I want to tell him," I answer her question before she asks it. "But, I'm afraid to."

"What are you afraid of?" she asks, confused. "He would never reject you."

"How do you know!" I almost yell but I remember Lia sleeping.

"Justin, he would come over every week to see if you were here. And every week I would have to tell him no. And every week I had to see the look of disappointment on his face. He still calls," she sighs. "His voice was so defeated," she stops and looks at me.

"You never told me," I say taken back.

"You never stayed on the phone long enough," she rebuttals.

"Oh..." I start but can't seem to finish.

"He calls on Sundays," she says filling in the silence. I nod. "Should I tell him your here," I don't say anything, I bite my lip and gaze at the small baby.

"Maybe," I say. "I have a day till Sunday, I'll decide then," my mother nods, and turns away from me. She looked angry. "What do you want me to do?" I ask calmly. She turns back.

"I want you to be happy, Justin," she says, her eyes starting to get wet. "I want you to do what you think is right."


	2. Chapter 2

It was a warm day in Pittsburgh, which was strange. I decided to take Lia to the park. I dressed her and packed an extra coat in case it got colder. I pick up the baby and place her in the stroller. I leave a note for my mother, and walk to the park.

There were many people out today. I walked by the playground and rolled the stroller onto the grass and to a tree. I took out a blanket and spread it out and took Lia out of the stroller and let her crawl around on the blanket. I take some toys out of the stroller and lay them in front on Lia. She takes hold of a small duck and squeezes it. It quacks and she drops it, frightened. She starts to cry. I laugh. I pick her up and cradle her. She calms down and I pick up the duck and show it to her. She reaches for it. I make a quacking sound and she looks up at me. I quack again then squeeze the duck. She turns her attention back to the duck. I squeeze it again and she laughs. I put her back on the blanket and give her the duck. She squeezes it and smiles.

I watch Lia play with the duck happily.

"Justin!"

I hear my name and I know it's not my mother. I turn and see Lindsey. I'm a little taken back. I wasn't expecting to see her, at least not this soon.

"H-hey," I stutter out. I quickly stand and she comes over to me. Lindsey reaches me and hugs me tightly. She lets go and looks down at Lia. Lia looks up at us and squeezes the duck. The older woman looks at me, I look at Lia. I reach down and pick her up, then turn to the blond woman. I take a deep breath.

"This is Lia," I say looking down at the smiling baby.

We don't say anything. but I knew what she was thinking. I didn't want to say anything.

"She's Brian's," Lindsey say, taking a relief off my shoulders. I nod, but I don't look at her. "Does he know?" she asked. I shook my head. I sit back down on the blanket and set Lia down. Lindsey sits down as well.

"How old is she?" Lindsey asks.

"Almost eight months," I say and watch her face and watch her find the connection.

"You left because of her?" she sounds a little outraged. I look away from her and don't say anything, she takes my silence for a yes, which it is. "Are you going to tell him?" She pushes.

"Why does everyone want me to tell him?" I mumble. I look back at her, she has her eyebrows knitted.

"Who's everyone? Who else have you told?" she asks a little mad. I blink a few times.

"Well my mom and sister and my friends in Georgia," I say, knowing what the next question will be.

"You went to Georgia!" she said loudly, and left her mouth open a little.

"Yeah. It's nice there," I say thoughtfully.

"What's in Georgia?" she questions.

"A good doctor," I say honestly. She tilts her head to the side a bit.

"Why," she starts softly. "Why did you need to go to Georgia to get a good doctor?"

"It doesn't matter," I say. "Hows Gus?" I ask trying to turn the conversation from me to her. She gives me a look saying 'we're not finished' but takes the bait.

"Gus is great, he's going to be six soon, and starting first grade."

"What about Mel and J.R.?" I ask wondering.

"We're back together now," she says smiling.

"That great," I say smiling back at her. "What about the others? Deb, Michael, Em, Ted, what about them?" she gives me another look. She knows I want to know about Brian, but I'm not ready to talk about him.

"Everyone's great. Really great," She adds in a softer tone. "Ben and Michael are happy as happy can be, and hunter cam back."

"Really?" I say surprised but happy.

"Yep, and Debbie put him straight to work, scared the shit out of her when you left. You really need to see her," I agree and she continues. "Well Ted is still working for Brian, and doing quite well. He's met someone but I don't know if that will last," Me and Lindsey smile at each-other. "And Emmett's well...Emmett, not much can phase him," she stops for a moment. "Well not much but you leaving."

I look at Lindsey and I can tell that she's changed. She look more worn out, tired. I noticed this look in my mother also. I look down at Lia, take a deep breath and ask her.

"What about Brian?" it was almost a whisper. Lindsey gives me a sad look. I worry. "What?" I ask a little panicked. "Did something happen to him?" she winces and opens her mouth.

"Something did happen," I take a quick breath. "But," she adds quickly. "He's fine now."

"W-what happened?" Lindsey looks away over at the playground, a shallow breeze picked up her short hair.

"The cancer came back."

I couldn't say anything. I though he had cleared everything up. I thought he was healthy. I blink a few times, and pick up Lia and hold her tight for a moment as she giggles. There are so many things I want to ask but I can't think of how to ask them. I try anyways.

"Umm," this is hard. "Is, is he gonna be alright?" I ask still holding Lia.

"So far he's fine," I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "He's been through radiology again. He was sick for a while too," she looks hurt.

"Did you guys do anything for him?" I ask, she didn't seem to know to much.

"He," she sighs. "He didn't want any help. Even when we would try to force him he would reject us. Just completely shut us down," she was still looking at the playground. "He asked for you," she whispered.

"What?" I ask, wanting to believe what she said but I wasn't sure.

"Never-mind," she says quickly. I drop it, it probably wasn't what I thought.

"What about now?" I ask, forgetting the past matter. "What about now? How is he?"

"I don't know," she whispers.

"What do you mean you don't know!" I almost shout. I put Lia back on the blanket.

"He won't talk to any of us." she looks back at me. "He works and leaves. At least that's what Ted says. He won't even talk to Michael," she rubs her arms and stares at the blanket. "It's scaring me," she continues to watch the blanket. "You should go see him."

"I don't think so," I answer quickly. She jerks her head up.

"What?" she was angry.

"I don't think he would want to see me," I say petting Lia's soft head.

"Why the fuck not," she raises her voice.

"Lins, he doesn't want to see you guys, the people who didn't leave. What makes you think he would want to see me? The person who left without a word."

I see Lindsey's eyes water. She quickly shuts them and stands.

"Lins," she turns to look at me. "Don't tell anyone. Don't tell anyone that I'm here, I don't think I can handle that just yet," she crosses her arms lets out an aggressive breath and her eyes narrow.

"I won't tell anyone if you go see Brian."

Bitch

"Lins," I whine.

"No," she says. "Go see Brian or I will tell everyone that your here. And I bet Debbie will have some words for you," she laughs.

"Lins, please I'm not ready,"

"Well get ready. Because he is ready for you,"

"What are you talking about?" I ask confused.

"He's ready now," Lindsey stares me straight in the eye.

I feel like crying.

"Lins..." I'm crying now, she sits back down. I wipe away tears.

"What Justin?" she asks taking my hand in hers. I pull her into a hug. I grip her tight, and she holds me just as tight.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm not ready for him," she lets me go.

"What? What do you mean your not ready for him! You were always ready!" she says angrily. I sigh.

"I know, I know," I start. "but since Lia was born I learned how to live on my own, and..." I stop. Lia is still playing with the duck. I reach over and pull her hat down a little more. She looks up at me then turns back to her duck.

"And what?" Lindsey persisted. I don't look up at her.

"And I don't want to go back. Because I know if I go back I will fall back in love with him, and I know that if I fall in love with him he will just break my heart and I don't want that to happen again," I start to cry during my explanation. "I want to be strong, not just for me but for Lia."

Lindsey doesn't say anything, neither do I. I think she understands, at least I hope she does. We both sit in the park and watch Lia. She hands me the duck an takes out an elephant, it doesn't squeak. She holds the toy above her head then hands that one to Lindsey. Lindsey takes it and smiles.

"Well I better go," Lindsey says standing up dropping the elephant. I don't stand, I just nod.

"Bye," I say.

"Promise me that you'll come see everyone," Lindsey pleads.

"Yeah," I say. "I will but, don't expect me to go out and do it now. It'll take some time. I need some time," I whisper the last part.

"Okay," Lindsey sighs. "Take care, I'll see you later," she turns to leave.

"Bye," I say again, as she walks away.

I reach over and pick up Lia and hold her.


	3. Chapter 3

I had put Lia to bed and sat next to her. I was thinking so hard about what Lindsey said I was getting a head ache. I wanted to see him, just see him. Just to know he's okay.

There was a knock at my door and then my mother walked in.

"Justin do you want dinner?" she asked quietly. I nod and stand. I flick on the baby monitor and take the other one with me. She had set the table and the food was already there. I sat down and noticed there was no Molly.

"Where's Molly," I question scoping potatoes onto my plate.

"At a friends," my mother answers.

We eat in silence. I don't know what else to say. I don't know if there is something else to say. My own thought are interrupted though with the ring of the telephone. My mother almost jumps up and runs to the phone. I watch her. She answers it softly.

"Hello."

There is a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry Brian."

My eyes go wide and I hold my breath as if he could hear my breathing.

"Goodbye," my mother says and hangs up. I sit ridged. She sits back down and take a few bits of food.

"You should go see him," she says not looking at me.

"I know," I say not looking at her either. "I will soon enough."

"But will you tell him?" she questions, taking another bite.

"Ye-yeah," I say trying to convince myself. "So how's dad?" I ask trying to change the subject. She gives me a look then answers.

"I get a call every now and then, asking how Molly is."

"What about me?" I ask almost hoping he had asked for me, but feeling bad about wanting that. It was a weird feeling.

"He's never asked," she said softly.

"I see," I turn away from her and hold my breath for a moment. Suddenly the baby monitor cracks and we hear Lia scream.

"I'll get her," my mother says getting up. "You eat," she says pointing to the food. I give her a small smile. I don't feel very hungry, but I know when my mother comes back down she will force me to eat, so I start on the potatoes. The phone sits on the table next to me. I put down my fork and pick up the phone. I know Brian's number by heart, but I can't force my fingers to dial the numbers. Instead I press the redial number. I almost hope It's Brian's number, but I also almost hope it isn't. The phone on the other end rings. I get a little scarred. There's a soft click then the phone is answered.

"Hello? Jennifer?" it's Brian's voice. I suck in a quick breath. "Hello?" Brian tries again, I hang up the phone.

Fucking caller ID. Why did I do that! Stupid, stupid Justin! I pick up my fork again and ate some potatoes, but it tasted foul. I swallowed hard and ate some more.

"RRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG!!"

I jumped, the phone rang again, and I lost my breath.

"Justin will you get that!" my mother shouted from the upstairs. I gulped and the phone rang again. I tentatively pick it up. I head it in front of my face then pressed then answer button and held the phone to my ear.

"H-hello?" I said breathy. I wasn't purposely trying to hide my voice but, if it worked I was going for it.

"Who is this?" Brian asked. I think I stopped breathing altogether. I couldn't say anything, should I say anything? I ended up letting out a confused stutter. There was a pause at the other end. I hoped he would hang up first, because I don't think I could. The was a soft tick made by a tough.

"Justin?" it was such a soft whisper, I thought it was my imagination. Then Brian spoke again. "Justin is that you?" this voice was stronger, more like the Brian I remember. "Justin please answer me," I had never heard this voice, this pleading almost desperate voice. I closed my eyes and took a breath.

"Brian." I said firmly, but soft.

"Justin." He sounded so relieved. He doesn't say anything, I think he was waiting for me, I couldn't think of what to say. We sat on the phone in silence. I listened to him breathing, I could tell he was doing the same. I heard my mother start to come down the stairs and I panicked. I didn't want her to see me on the phone with Brian.

"I'll come see you tomorrow," I say hurried then hang up the phone before Brain has a chance to say anything. I feel a little guilty for not saying much, but I also felt stupid for telling Brian I would see him tomorrow, I wasn't sure if I would make it to his loft. My mother came down the stairs and smiled at me.

"Who was on the phone?" she asked.

"just some telamarketer." I don't know why I lied but, it had to be easier then telling her I was on the phone with Brian. She sits next to me and looks at my food.

"Why won't you eat?" she asked.

"I'm not hungry," I tell her, it true. After I had Lia, I ate less to afford more things for my daughter. My mom sighs but says nothing more, she begins to eat. I try to collect my thoughts. I don't think I can go to his loft, I mean I have to take care of Lia. I know I was just trying to make excuses but if they worked, why not use them. But, if Brian called to see why I wasn't coming I would have to tell him it was because of Lia. That would be worse then going.

Suddenly there was a fork in front of my face.

"Eat," my mother said. I smiled at her and took the fork, and popped the food into my mouth. Once again the food tasted like soot. I almost couldn't swallow it. I know my mother noticed how hard it was for me to eat, because she touched my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"Ma' I'm gonna go out tomorrow," I tell her. She looks a little surprised.

"Are you taking Lia?" she asked.

"Could you?" I ask not even having to finish the question.

"Sure." she says with a content sigh. "But be back by six, I have a meeting,"

"Thanks." I say pushing another forkful of potatoes into my mouth.

Gross.


	4. Chapter 4

It was noon when I started thinking about going to see Brian. I was holding Lia and feeding her. Her tiny body was so small. I had never realized how small she was. I don't remember thinking Gus was this small. The little girl happily sucked on the nipple of the bottle. I took her hand in my own. Her hand wasn't even as big as my palm. I wonder if Brian was ever this small. So helpless.

I felt sick. Sick to my stomach. I wanted to see Brian so much but, I don't want to be rejected. That would kill me. I wanted to do what was best for Lia. I wanted her to at least have one father, but not a father who was slowly killing himself inside. I held my daughter and kissed her forehead.

I brought her upstairs and laid her in her stroller, with her pacifier. I stepped over to my bag full of cloths. I didn't know if I should change before going to Brian's. I bit my lip and looked into the bag of cloths. Lia then started to cry. I forgot about the cloths and went over to the baby. She had spit out her pacifier and I knew she had to be changed. I took he and went into the bathroom. I gave her a new diaper and threw away the used one. I kissed her nose and she laughed.

I choose to change before going to see Brian, I didn't want him to smell baby powder on me. I brought Lia back into my room and put her back in the stroller. I took out a plane black shirt and blue jeans, over that I put a sweatshirt form the Pittsburgh institute of fine art. I yell to my mom that I'm gonna leave soon. She comes into my room.

"Where are you going Justin?" she asks.

"I don't know yet," I answer honestly. "I might go see Daphne." I say, trying to lead her away from Brian. She nods and I hand her Lia. "I'll be back by six I promise." I tell her and make my way down the stairs and out of the house. It was colder then I expected, I almost turned around and went back inside but, I knew that if I went inside I would not go see Brian. then he might come to my house, and that may be bad. I wrap my arms around myself and take off towards his loft.

This was one of the first times I had been away from Lia. It was weird. I was so used to her, I think she comforted me. I could see my own breath. As I walked I thought about stopping by the diner and seeing Debbie. I knew she would probably smack me like I have seen her do to Michael so many times. I wondered then how Michel was. I knew that Hunter came back because of Lindsey, but she really didn't give me that much information on Ben and Michael. I knew they were happy together when I left. I hated how happy they were. I wanted that with Brian so much. I wanted Brian to love me just as much as Ben loves Michel. I knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon though.

I found myself on Liberty avenue, it hasn't changed. I walked down the block to see Babylon. I turn the corner and find it closed. Why had Brian closed it? Was it because of me? I felt sick again. I went over to the door and traced it with my fingers. I sighed and walked away from the deserted building. I turn and see the lamp post I stood against when Brian first saw me. It made me shutter. I walk further down the block until I see the diner. I don't know if I want to see Debbie just yet, but I didn't know if I wanted to see Brian either. I take a deep breath and walk over to the diner. I almost hope she doesn't recognize me. I peek into the window and I don't see her but, I do see Lindsey. She is sitting next to Mel, who now has longer hair. their sitting at a both with two men, who are facing away from me. I know that they are Michael and Ben. The door to the diner opens and I jump. Two teenagers enter the diner, a boy an girl. They approach Ben and Michael and I realize that the boy is Hunter. His hair is shorter and I had never sen him with a girl before. The couple takes the both next to them and turns around to talk to them. Finally I see Debbie enter from the kitchen, she's hold many plates of food. She brings the food over to Lindsey, Mel, Ben and Michael. I watch them talk and Debbie smacks Michael after he says something. I smile and have the urge to go in and greet them but, I don't know what I would say.

I turn and leave Liberty avenue. I head to Brian's loft slowly. I take my time so that if I decide to go back I will be able to. But, before long I'm standing outside his loft. I know I have to ring the bell for him to open the door. I stand on the sidewalk staring at the call box. I take another breath and press my finger on the button. There is a loud buzzing noise then.

"Justin?" Brian's voice floats through the small box.

"Hi." is all I can manage. The door is unlocked and I go inside. I take the lift up to the third floor. The lift door opens and I step up to his door. I lightly knock on the door. I hear rumbling on the other side, then the door opens.

He hasn't changed. He's still beautiful. We stand a few feet away from each other, not moving, only staring at one another.

"Well," Brian says breaking the silence, "Come in." He says smiling, god how I missed that smile. I followed him into the loft. I shut the door behind me, and it feels like the first time I meet him all over again. I stay next to the counter and he goes over to the frig, when he takes a bottle of water, I see the the look of recognition on his face. He gives a soft laugh and puts the water back. He stands across the room and looks at me. I feel embarrassed.

"How, how long are you going to stay." Brian asks.

"I don't know." I answer honestly.

Brian slowly walked over to me. I took a step back. He stopped. I looked down.

"Sorry." I whisper.

"It's okay." Brian said walking away from me. "I understand."

"No you don't." I whisper, he turns around quickly. I didn't mean for him to hear me.

"What don't I understand?" He questions angrily.

"Never mind." I say. Brian approaches me again, I hold my ground. He stands mer inches away from me. His hand brushes against my cheek. I lean into the touch.

"I missed you." He says pulling me into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck, and hold tight. I feel warm lips on my neck, I pull away slightly. He stops. We look at each-other for a moment, then I kiss him. His kisses are just how I remember them, soft and full of passion. We kiss slowly, not wanting to rush back into things. He moves his hands to my hips and pushes me backwards into the bedroom. I step up the stairs backwards, I know them too well. The back of my legs hit the bed and Brian lowers me down.

"Your too skinny." Brian whispers. I don't even acknowledge his voice.

I am totally enthralled with him. I shouldn't be here doing this, this is what I didn't want to happen. But in my mind I knew I would fall for him the moment I saw him. I did.

He starts kissing down my neck running his hands down my chest. I moan and throw my head back. I tell myself to stop, to push him off, but I can't.

His hand go under my shirt. He runs his fingers over my stomach.

He stops kissing me. His eyes are wide. I feel where his hands are, and I look away, and scramble out from underneath him.

"Justin, what-" Brian starts.

"Nothing." I cut him off. I pull my shirt down and hold it there. He crawls over to me.

"Justin..." His voice is soft. I can't look him in the eyes. He places his hands on mine and takes my hand off my shirt. I don't resist. He pull the shirt up and over my head. I hear a small gasp.

"Justin, what happened?" He asks tracing the long scar down my stomach.

It was an ugly scar. About six inches long and as wide as half an inch in some places. It ran over my navel and just past my hips.

"Justin." Brian tries to get my attention. I don't respond. "Justin." He says again harsher, and grabs my chin to make me face him. I feel like crying. His hazel eyes are worried. "Tell me what happened." He says looking me straight in the eyes. I open my mouth to tell him, but I can't. Nothing comes out. I close my mouth. Brian puts both of his hands on my cheeks. "Tell me." He whispers, then kisses me. I return the kiss trying to distract him. It doesn't help. He pulls back.

"Your not going to tell me are you?" He sighs. I shake my head.

"I want to, but..." I trail off, collecting my thoughts. "I don't know how." I say honestly. He nods and pulls me back into his arms, then down to the bed. We lay together with only our heart beats to listen too.

My mind races. I want to tell him, but I don't want to be rejected. I want this. I want to be able to be held like this. I don't even realize that I started to cry. I feel Brian hold me tighter, and I hug him just as tightly back. I feel my body shake. Brian lets me go, and I try to pull him back. He pushes away from me, and leans forward like he is about to leave. I grab his wrist.

"Don't go." I choke out. He stops, leans down and kisses me.

"I'm gonna get you a blanket." He whispers into my ear. I nod, feeling stupid for being a baby. He leaves for a moment, that moment was so cold. I feel him get back into the bed and place the blanket over me. He gets under the cover also and wraps his arms around me again. I put my head on his chest and let out a long breath.

We lay there for a while, I don't know how long, but it doesn't feel very long.

"Brian, what time is it?" I ask quietly. He doesn't respond for a while.

"5:30, why." He asks. I sit up quickly. Brian sits up too. "What's wrong?" Brian asks concerned. I get out of the bed and pick up my shirt, and pull it over my head. I have to be back home by six. My mother had to go out and couldn't take care of Lia. I start to walk over to the door. Brian runs up to me and stands in front of me.

"What wrong?" He sounds worried.

"I have to be somewhere." I say not giving him a straight answer.

"Where else do you have to be, besides with me!?" He asks putting his hands on my shoulders. I bite my lip. I sigh, it's now or never. I reach into my back pocket and take out my wallet. Brian watches me closely. I open my wallet and take out a small picture of Lia. I hold it tightly. I smile sadly, and look up at Brian. I hold out the small picture. Brian takes it, I step back.

"Her name is Lia." I swallow hard. I watch Brian's face as he looks at the little girl. I can almost see the wheels turn.

"Is she..." He stops and stars at me eyes wide.

"Yours."


	5. Chapter 5

He doesn't say anything for a moment, he just stares at the picture. I stand across from him, watching his face, looking for disgust or pleasure. I need to know how he feels, but he hides his feelings so well. When he makes no emotion I begin to back up towards the door. I turn around, hoping Brian will stop me he doesn't. I reach for the door and strong arms wrap around my waist. Brian's head is on my shoulder. I can see the picture of Lia in his hand. I feel like crying again.

"How old is she?" Brian whispers into my shoulder.

"Almost a year. I whisper back.

"Why?" Brian asks, pulling me into him tighter.

"Why?" I ask Brian confused.

"Why did you leave?" Brian asks, he then turns me around in his arms. "Why did you leave me?"

I open my mouth to try and explain, I don't know where to start.

"Brian..." I try to begin. I stop. I look over at the clock in the kitchen. "I have to go." I tell him, biting my lip.

"Are you going to see her?" Brian asks. I nod. "Can I come?"

I was shocked to say the least. I didn't know. I didn't know if I want him to see her. But I do know that I still want Brian.

I nod again. Brian smiles. A real smile. It makes my heart melt. He takes my hand and leads me out of the loft. He takes me to his car, and I get in.

"Is she at your mothers?" Brian asks, once we were in the car.

"Yeah." I say quietly. Brian starts the car and pulls away from the curb. I feel nervous, and worried and anxious. I need to know.

"Brian?" I ask softly. I see his hand reach for mine, I grab it.

"Yes." He answers just as softly.

"Are you okay with this?" I ask.

"What do you mean?" He asks confused.

"I mean are you okay with me having a baby. Having a bay that yours, that I didn't tell you about. I mean are you angry?" My voice starts to crack when I ask him if he's angry.

He doesn't say anything for a moment, he was thinking.

"I was mad." Brian starts. "I was mad when you left without telling me. But then I got scarred."

"What?" I interrupt. Brian glances over at me, then turns his attention back to the road.

"No one knew where you were." Brain almost whispers out. "That scarred me."

I felt horrible. I felt like crying again. I'm to emotional.

"I'm sorry." I say softly. "I didn't mean too."

"I know. You had your reasons."

I can't believe how understanding Brian is being. I shut my eyes and open them again. I'm not dreaming, thank God.

Brian pulls the car into the driveway, and gets out fast. I sit in the car for a moment, considering what I am doing. The passenger door suddenly opens.

"Do you not want me to see her?" Brian asks me while kneeling down to the ground. I shake my head.

"I want you to see her." I say strongly. Brian takes my hand and pulls me out of the car. I lead the way to the front door. I open it and step inside. Brian follows.

"Ma!" I call. She quickly appears.

"Your late Just-...Brian?" She is clearly surprised.

"Hello Jennifer." Brian says smiling.

She doesn't know what to do. She stares at Brian for a while then looks at me almost to say 'are you sure?' I answered back with my own look of 'yes' She smiles. She closes the distance between us and hugs me then Brian.

"It's good to see you again Brian." She say holding on to his forearms. She turns back to look at me. "I'll see you boys later." She says. "Lia is in the kitchen. Bye." She leaves the house, and I walk into the kitchen, with Brian following me. Lia is in her play pin. I no longer feel Brian's presence behind me. I walk over to the play pin and pick up Lia.

"Dada." She giggles.

"Lia Lia." I sing to her, smiling. I turn around to face Brian. He was stopped in the doorway. I hold the baby, as Brian stares at me. He has the same expression on that he had when he saw Gus for the first time. A look of shock and love. I swallow hard.

"Do-do you want to hold her?" I question. Brian nods quickly and steps towards me. I hand him our small daughter. Our. That was weird, but nice. Brian holds out his hands and I place Lia in them. He gently pulls her to his chest. Lia gurgles looking up at brian. She then reaches out he hand and takes hold of his chin. Her hand was so small compared to his face. He smiles and kisses her hand. She then tries to grab hold of his lips. Brian pulls away a little, Lia takes one finger and tries to put it into Brian's mouth. Brian pulls away and keeps his mouth pursed. Brian then pulls his head away from the baby and laughs.

"Well," Brian says, "You two have one thing in common."

"What's that?" I ask curious.

"You both like me." Brian laughs. I blush a little. Brian looks so happy holding our baby. I let him hold her while I take a seat. I feel tired, I yawn and that catches Brian's attention.

"Are you alright?" He asked concerned.

"I'm fine." I tell him. I lied, I feel a little sick. I think it was the breakfast mom shoved down my throat this morning. I hold my middle while Brian watches me. He then turns his attention back to Lia. I close my eyes.

........................

I open my eyes and I'm in my bed. I am startled. When did I fall asleep? Where was Lia? Where was Brian? I stand up and venture outside. I don't hear much. I don't hear anything. I hurry down the stairs. I run into the kitchen and smell coffee. I see Brian standing at the counter. I look towards the stroller and I see Lia sleeping peacefully.

"What are you doing up?" Brian asks me. I look over to him, he's holding a mug of what most likely is coffee. He looks concerned.

"I can't believe I fell asleep." I tell him. He puts down the coffee, and hold out his hands cautiously, like he was approaching a wild animal. His yes aren't even on mine, their on my hands. I look down to find them shaking. Brian closes the distance between us and takes my hands in his.

"You have a fever." He says softly, pressing his forehead against mine. He feels so cool. I lean into the cold skin. "Let's get you back to bed." He says taking my arm and gently pulling me towards the stairs.

"B-but Lia." I start.

"She's sleeping like you should be." Brian says into my ear, making me shiver.

"I want to be near her." I tell him.

"Okay. I'll bring you both upstairs." He tells me. I nod. He leaves me for a moment and I feel my legs start to give out. As quick as he left Brian is back at my side. "Maybe I'll take up up first." He says holding me up. He slowly walks me over to the stairs. I try to take a step but the stairs look like they are moving. Suddenly I'm not on my feet anymore. A warm chest is against my face, and there are arms under my legs and back. I feel the movements of Brian walking up the stairs, and I hear him whisper something about me being to skinny.

His chest is then replaced with cool pillows, and a soft mattress. I don't want to fall asleep just yet.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys, sorry fro the wait, and thank for thos of you who are going to sick with me!! hells to the yeah!!!  


* * *

I was getting tired of waking up and not knowing where I was. When I woke my eyes were blurry. I rubbed them then tried to find Lia. I sat up quickly, which was a very very bad idea. I held my head in my hands and groaned.

"Easy there," Brian's soft voice floated in and he covered my hands with his. "Take it easy," He says removing my hands from my head. He places the back of his hand to my forehead and I close my eyes. His hand felt so cool. "You have a fever." He tells me; didn't we have this conversation before?

"Where's Lia?" I ask.

"She's in her stroller," He says laying me back down.

"Oh," I say dumbly. "Sorry for getting sick," I mumbling. "This is not how I wanted to return home." I push my face into the pillow.

"Does Lia have a crib?" Brian asks me, while playing with my hair.

"No," I say. "Couldn't afford one."

"Oh," is all Brian says.

"Mmmm," is what I return with. "Lay down," I whisper to him, and pull at his jacket. I know he smiles.

"Scoot over," He says giving me a little push. I roll away from him and let him lay down.

When I am drifting back to sleep I feel him pull me close and hold me tight.

........

Brian was gone the next morning. I didn't expect him to stay the night. I rolled out of bed to check on Lia. I stumbled over to her stroller, and froze. She wasn't there. My heart stopped. Did Brian take her? Oh God, oh God. No, no, no, I tell myself calm down. Calm down. I take a few breaths, and try to sort things out in my head. She's downstairs, I tell my self, with my mother, or with Brian, she needed to be feed. That's right, everything's okay.

I go downstairs, and sure enough there is my mom and Lia. I let out a huge breath, that lets my mother know I was there.

"Justin, how are you feeling?" She asks, holding Lia and a bottle.

"Better," I say pushing back my hair.

"Good, I bought some medicine, it's on the counter." She points to the plastic grocery bag. I nod, but don't go over to it.

"How did you know I was sick?" I ask curious.

"Brian called last night, asked me to pick something up for you." She explains.

"Oh," I say, and then walk over to the medicine. "When did Brian leave?" I ask.

"Um, about three hours ago." She says thoughtfully.

That was not the answer I was expecting. I thought he would have left last night, but he had spent the nigh with me. I felt like crying again. Why would he forgive me so easily? Was it because of Lia? Did he feel responsible? Did he love me? I hoped it was all of them.

I took the medicine from the bag and twisted off the cap and took two. I threw my head back to take the pills and must have done it to suddenly because I got a major head-rush. I groaned again, and rubbed my temples.

"Why don't you go lay down," My mother says, gently bouncing Lia.

"Um, yeah maybe," I say not really paying attention to her.

"Or maybe you should eat something. Yes you should eat, sit." She points to the chairs and I obey. I sit down and feel a little better then standing. My mother brings Lia over to me. "Hold her while I bring the stroller down here." She holds out Lia for me and I take her and bring her to my chest. My mother leaves and I look at my baby. Her little blue eyes stare up at me, she doesn't cry just stares, and then brings her hand to my face.

"Hey Lia baby," I say and kiss her forehead. There is commotion from the stairs, while my mom brings the stroller down the stairs. When she gets it down she unfolds it and I stand up and place Lia in it.

"Okay now lets get you something to eat," she says going over to the refrigerator. I sit back down, I'm not really hungry but I know she will fuss about it if I don't eat. She takes out orange juice and a few eggs.

"Scrambled?" She asks.

"Yeah that sounds good," I tell her resting my head on my hands. I watch her poor me a glass of orange juice and set the glass on the table in front of me. I reach for it as she turns around. I take a few sips and listen to the sounds of the eggs sizzling.

The doorbell rings. I look up at my mom she looks back at me.

"Should I get that?" I ask.

"No, I will." She steps away from the stove. "Just watch the eggs."

"Kay." I say as she walks away. I hear the door open and my mother's voice.

"Brian!" I stand up as footsteps come my way. My mother appears first and then Brian. I smile at him, and he doses the same.

"I got you something," he says, the gestures outside. "It's a crib," he says taking a glace at Lia lying in her stroller. "I can set it up for you now if you want."

"Yeah," I say, my voice is kinds breathy. Brian notices.

"You still feeling sick?" He asks, pressing his hand against my forehead. "Your warm."

"I'm fine," I tell him, and I receive a scoff form my mother.

"Justin sit down and eat this, and I'll help Brian set up the crib." She puts the plate of eggs on the table, and points to the chair.

"I'm not really hungry," I tell her.

"I don't care, eat," she says putting her foot down. I sigh and take my seat and start eating the eggs. "Good boy," she smiles.

"I'm gonna get the crib out of the car, be right back." Brian says and turns around and walks out the door. I bite my lip and watch him go. I can't believe he did this for me, for Lia. He returns with a very large box, it looks pretty heavy.

"I'll help," I say standing, the looks I receive from my mother and Brian are very clear. "Never mind, sitting was a good idea." Brian gives a soft laugh.

We'll be upstairs," Brian says. "Call if you need anything."

I nod and watch my mom and Brian truck up the stairs with the box. Feel kind of useless. I use to do everything for Lia. I toke care of her by myself for over a year, and it feels weird to have others do things for me. But then again I have never been sick with Lia yet, and I am so glad it didn't happen when I was alone. I never should have left. I should have told Brian, shouldn't have run away. I think I'm crying again. I reach up to touch my cheeks and sure enough there are tears there. I wipe them away and sill myself to stop this nonsense crying.

My pocket suddenly starts to vibrate. I reach in it and pull out my cell phone. It's a pretty new phone I got it in Georgia. I check the caller ID it's Malcolm. I answer it.

"Mal?" I ask.

"Justin, great it's actually you and not your voice mail." Mal say happily.

"Yeah it's me, what's up?" I ask.

"What's up with me what's up with you? You say your going home then don't call me when you get there? Had me freaked out over here." He replies.

"Yeah sorry about that." I tell him. There is a sigh on the other line.

"Yeah well, you jerk, how's little Lia?"

"She's, she's good." I say.

"Right uh huh, and how are you?" Mal asks.

"Um I'm fine, really." I bluff.

'Sure you are," he doesn't believe me. "You takin' your med's?"

"I uh…ran out." I tell him truthfully.

"Damn it Justin you were supposed to call when you ran out!" Mal almost yells.

"Sorry I've been busy." I say.

"Too busy to worry about your health?"

"Um," I start.

"Don't say it's a money problem, cuz you know I got your back." Mal tells me.

"Right, I know," I say, looking at Lia, like she would have the answers. And she did sort of. "He loves her." I say and there is a small pause on the other end of the line.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow Justin that's great, just great." He says and I can hear him smiling. "So are you gonna ask him?"

"Yeah, but not yet, I'm gonna let him have some time." I tell Mal.

"Okay just don't let it be too much time, alright," Mal says.

"Yes, I got it mom," I tease him.

"Ha ha, funny, hopefully Lia won't inherit you sense of humor." Mal laughs.

"Yeah hopefully," I agree.

"Kay, well I'm gonna send you your med's, and please take them, don't try to make them last. I can always get you more."

"Thanks Mal, I really appreciate it," I tell him.

"I know, and when you get them please call me?" He asks, almost begs really.

"Yeah, yeah of coarse I will," I promise.

"Alright, talk to you later," Mal says.

"Right bye," I say and then hang up the phone.

I place the phone back in my pocket, and smile at my baby girl. Things would be okay I knew they would be.

My mother came down the stairs without Brian.

"It's almost done you want to come see it?" she asks.

"Yeah, and I think I'll lay down too." I tell her, and she seems to agree. I look to Lia.

"I got her," My mother says, "Can you make it up the stairs?"

"Yeah I got it," I tell her. I truck my way up the steps and up to Brian. It was harder to make it up the stairs then I thought it would be. But I made it in one piece. I enter my room and find Brian laying a blanked and pillow down in the crib. It was a very nice crib, made from wood and had nice carvings along the railings. I smile at it then at Brian.

"It great," I tell him. He turns to me, and also smiles.

"Yeah, think she'll like it?" He asks me seriously.

"She's almost two I don't think she'll care for the fine craftsmanship," I joke.

"She might." Brian kids back. I sit down on my bed facing the crib and Brian sits next to me. I lay my head on his shoulder. He takes my hand in his and we both stare at the crib.

"I love you," I tell him. It's almost a whisper, but I know he hears it, because when I say it he squeezes my hand, and that's almost as good as the words.


End file.
